Massive pain

I am not really sure how it happened yesterday, but somewhere in between picking up Ian at school and getting home, I tweaked my neck so bad that I couldn't turn it from side to side. When I did try to move, a pain that felt like knife on fire pierced my neck and radiated out.

I started crying because it hurt so bad and I couldn't move. Ian started crying because I was crying from pain and couldn't move from the couch. 

So there I was, stuck with my head in a downward node, bawling like a baby with snot pouring down my face all the while trying to keep Ian calm and let him know this isn't normal but it happens.

He was crying. I was crying. It was horrible. Luckily Ian called Eric to come home, and Eric had literally just sent a project he was working on off, so he was able to come home immediately.

I am happy to report I can move my head this morning!

But this made me think of the some of the other girls in my group who have PAINFUL bone mets...like this pain ALL THE TIME!

In fact I met a girl yesterday who has bone mets in her spine and her back broke from picking up her child.

My jaw dropped when I heard this and my heart broke.

This lit a fire in me... I am really going to work more on my CancerGirls to donate a percent to Metavivor...at least this way I can know I am helping the research side of this shit.

6 weeks off and more

I haven’t had six weeks off of chemo since 2011…when I was originally diagnosed as Stage 4…since then I have been on some kind of chemotherapy.

At my oncologist appointment almost  six weeks ago I was telling Dr. H how flipping tired I was and how no matter what I did or didn’t do, I couldn’t fill my energy tank. I told her I felt like I was in a horrible first trimester of pregnancy and the chemo was my baby taking anything and everything from me. As usual we laughed at the way I expressed things to her, BUT at least I knew she knew what I was talking about.

She checked pretty much everything there was to check in my blood, hence why I had to receive iron at my last chemo.

When she told me to hold my chemo for 1 cycle (2 weeks on 1 week off), I was more than ok with it because I was exhausted.  But more than that, something in my told me it was fine to do that.  I know when others have to hold chemo due to super low counts, they sometimes freak out due to the thought the cancer could be growing in between chemo cycles.

But then she told me to hold it for one more cycle…now I was going on week 4-6 with no chemo. I was the one starting to freak out a bit with this…I mean so much can happen in 6 weeks…in or out of the cancer world.

But, I am so happy to say body and brain scans both came back showing no evidence of disease! 

I do go back to Dr. H this Thursday, which I am sure she will tell me start taking my daily chemo again and honestly, I am ok with that…in my mind better safe to stay here.

Healthline's Best of 2015

Well this is news to me, but while trying to get all 6 (YES six) email accounts cleaned up I found this beauty:

"I am happy to inform you that your blog has made Healthline's list of the Best Metastatic Cancer Blogs of 2015!"

I even received a fancy badge to be able to show off this honor!

Pretend I am on a podium receiving an award:

"WOW...what an honor this is for me! I know my writing is a little choppy and crazy sometimes, but we can blame that on the 3 brain surgeries!
On a serious not, I am truly honored.  There is a lot of content out there and for me to be recognized warms my heart to know I am helping out in some way.
With love"