Use me

People email or FB me questions all the time about their loved ones who have been diagnosed with BC of even some other cancer.

It is a love/hate relationship I have within myself about being the person people turn to.

I wouldn't even call it hate...yes it would be nice NOT to know all this stuff.

BUT, I do so I use it.

I was listening to a CD from church yesterday.
Let me back up a bit...I LOVE our church music. It is more than amazing, so once I month, I buy the whole month of past services to listen to in my car.
I always ask Spirit if there is a CD I need to hear on certain days. I found one from Fathers day.
The song is called Use Me.
It is a song to God telling Him to use me; use me here on earth to shine His light.

I found myself emerged in this song, turned up loud and letting in soak into me.  

So what is my point you might be wondering??
We have all had stuff happen that sucks.  My cancer sucks, BUT I feel like if I tell Him to use me it doesn't suck so much.
I guess my point is, to try to look at your problem and see what can come out of it.  What could be a lesson in it?

And hey, I get it.  I have had MANY lessons to get me to where I am today...it doesn't come easy.  But it is worth the work.
So I am here to tell you, to stick with whatever it is you are going through right now.

For me, I am going through learning AGAIN what my body can and cant do. I am stressed about a craft fair on Saturday, that my friend is going to setting up my art at and selling it for me.
I am stressed that:

What if I don't sell ANYTHING?
What does that say about my art?
If I don't, does that mean it doesn't speak to others?
There is a TINY glimpse in my head of these horrible questions I throw at myself.

OH and I see Groves today with MRI results.  Yes, I stressed about that too.

I ask you, how/what do you think about to not be stressed???

Renee In Cancerland book snippet

Mascara – October 3, 2008

Today is the first day since I heard the news that I have worn mascara. No, not because all my eyelashes have already fallen out. I wonder if they really will? Eh, whatever. I wore it again today and will continue to wear it daily because I have decided there will be no more tears shed to this illness. I have realized that I have so much to be thankful for and I am so much to so many people, I don’t have time to cry about what might be – I only have time to be thankful for what is.

I started thinking about how many people are in my life and how many people are praying for me, and how many people need me and I was truly overwhelmed with the pure love I felt just thinking about it. So with that in mind, I made a list of who I am and need to be for the people in my life and who I love to be for them.

I Am…

A mother to Ian – he needs me. He needs me to be his mom, to hold him when he is hurt, to help him get over his first heart ache, to help him understand the world – he needs me. Plain and simple, he needs his mom.

A wife to Eric – he needs me to keep him company, hold hands with and just love him, he needs me to tell him all my crazy ideas and him be able to help me figure out a way we can make them a reality.

 A sister – Rachele needs me more than she will ever admit. She is the older of us two, but she needs me to help her believe there is still magic in the world. She looks at the world as most analytical people do – black or white. But she needs me to help her see all the crazy colors swirled around. She needs me to be her little sister who she can help me find my way when I am lost.

A daughter to my mom and dad – they both need me in such different ways. My mom needs me to talk to. She needs me to be her little girl still to protect from the big bad world. She needs me to need her. Dad needs me to talk to him and let him know how much he means to me. He needs me to call him and just talk. He needs me like Rachele needs me too – to have my crazy dreams that I go after. Sometimes I fall and they are there to pick me up, but sometimes I fly and they are there to cheer me on.

 A daughter-in-law and sister-in-law – they need me to actually tell them what is going on. Eric likes to skim the surface of our lives but I will give them the meat of the matter. They need to know that Eric is taken care of and they don’t need to worry about his happiness.

 A friend – they all need me to be there for them. To listen to them, give advice to them although it is sometimes unsolicited advice, to laugh with them, to make them laugh, hug and be hugged, and this is just the tip of it all. We all need each other in this life.

 An aunt - to wonderful kids that need a fun and “hip” aunt. I want to be that aunt they know they can talk to when they don’t want to talk to their own parents. That aunt they know they can count on.

A granddaughter, a niece, a cousin and much more to so many. I am so much to so many others and when I think of this, all I can think of is, how blessed am I to have all these people in my life who need ME? And I need them. So with that, I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. All I have time for is to enjoy everyone around me. And help them see their beauty as well. Please, if you take anything away from me sharing my story with you as I am going through this, take away this. Look at those in your life and know how blessed you are for what you have. And don’t be afraid to tell them you love them.

 

 

 

Today: October 27

Looking back on old writings really dig deep - deeper into this.

That wasn't the last time I cried because of cancer.

I have cried many, many more times: for myself, for Eric and Ian, my family, by friends; I have cried for friends lost - their families, their friends, their broken hearts.

It is all because of cancer I have cried these tears.

 

A real look at living with Stage 4 Breast Cancer

A real look at living with Stage 4 Breast Cancer

14 hours

I just woke up from sleeping 14 hours straight.

I went to bed last night after Eric came home early from work because he could tell in my voice I was cracking from exhaustion.

He got home and made me go to bed, told me not to feel guilty, closed the bedroom door, turned out the lights and I was out.

Out for 14 straight hours.

I read all the stuff about BC month, and buy pink to support it but here is a real look at it.

My real look at.

I take 4 chemo pills a day. 2 in the morning and 2 at night for 2 weeks on and 1 week off. 

Xeloda are my chemo pills.

These pills make me feel very queasy if I don’t eat 20-40 minutes before taking.

If you wonder how I know that exact amount of time – well from experience.

Once the queasiness hits, there is no going back until I sleep it off. 

But I can’t sleep it off at 730 in the morning, so I deal with it.

These chemo pills also dry my hands and feet out so badly, I have cracks in my skin on my thumb, index and middle fingers.  These cracks are on the palm side at the joints – where my fingers move.

Once the crack starts to peel away is when it is more painful, BUT once it peels, I have about 4 weeks of normal hands again.

My hands – yes the very hands I depend on daily. 

Not only to love with, but to paint.

 Painting that heals my soul.

Painting that I hear from others heals their souls too.

This chemo also does the same to my feet.  When it gets so bad, I sometimes whence in pain every time I walk.

I isn’t like this all the time.  I have no hard evidence why it is like this some times and not others, so I can’t do anything to prevent it.

I also get an IV infusion of Avastin every 3 weeks.

This one makes me tired for a day or 2 after.

Sometimes it gives me headaches.

Again, there is no planning on how I will feel.

So I go into these treatments praying it won’t wipe me out.

This time it did. 

I knew it was coming…it hadn’t happened in a long time.

It doesn’t make it easier knowing it is coming.

It still sucks to come home Tuesday afternoon – after treatment – take a nap, barely able to get up to go get Ian, come home and not able to do homework with him.

I was “ok” Wednesday.

Thursday I couldn’t hold out anymore.  I napped from 11-1; had to ask a friend to get Ian from school; had to have Eric come home early then slept for 14 hours straight.

Once every 3 months I get an IV infusion of Zometa.  This one is to make my bones strong so mets cant come back. 

This one is ok.  Sometimes, it gives me bone pain for a day or two after.

I get brain MRIs every 2 months.

I have once next  week.

The anxiety of the results starts up as soon as I make the appointment for the scan.

I start to think I feel something different happening.

I wonder if that headache is something happening.

I think, I sure have been tired lately – is that something??

This happens every 2 months – like clockwork

I get full body PET scans every 4 months. 

I get the same anxiety before these too.

 

BUT

I am strong.

I am brave.

I am all that sh*t people want you to believe that it takes to “beat” breast cancer.

Don’t tell me I beat it once, I can beat it again.

I AM beating it every day of my life.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hit me below the belt and double me over every now and then.

So I respectively tell you all who think breast cancer is “beaten,” to walk a day in my shoes. 

AND my shoes aren’t even bad right now. 

Walk the year of 2012-2013 in my shoes. 

That was the time I had 3 brain surgeries within 10 months, had to relearn to walk, drive and trust in God that I was going to live.

This is my “pink” life.

Rememberance Ceremony

The BCRC had the yearly remembrance ceremony on Sunday.

I hate these things...it all become so real at that point in time.

A candle is lit for every sister we have lost the past year...26 sweet glowing candles were lite on Sunday night. 
26 too many lives taken from this earth too soon.
26 grieving family and friends.
26...it is a number that seems to be haunting me.

I was asked to read this poem I had written last year.

In the Wind

Leaves dance around

in wondrous ways


In the wind
Trees sway
Side
To side

In the Wind                                                                                                                                              Flowerseeds                                                                                                                                                        Are carried to new places

-To grow
-To beautify
New
Unknowing
Places

 

In the wind

Houses are damaged

Torn apart


In the Wind
We can never see this wind
But
We can feel it
And see the effects of
It leave behind

 

Our love

Our life

is in the wind
Ever changing
Ever moving

 

This is to all you out there who have lost someone to this stupid disease.  

I am sorry for your loss.  

PS...Yes, I will have a video of this soon.

How to help others...this is not a BC post!!

“Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Mark Twain

 It is true…I am a sap and I 100% believe this quote.

Now, I am not saying I am a really great person, but I have been told I do this – I make others feel like whatever it is they are wanting to do it totally doable. I have been told I make others know their dream is doable.

I love that part of me.

But there is another part of me that I don’t know how to change.

I know when someone tells me they want something and then I see all their actions go against that thing they told me about – it upsets me.

It upsets me for many reasons:

Were they just blowing smoke up my ass to get me to shut up?

                If so that is fine, just tell me to shut it and we can both go on.

Do I expect too much from others?

                I don’t know.  I know I expect a lot from myself, BUT I think we all should.

I do try to look at others how I look at Ian and try to lead by example instead of telling how something “should” be done.

I realize I have been able to do these things I tell others about. 

But for me, I seem to have a switch in me.  When I am done with something, I am done. 

I can walk away without looking back. 

I don’t know if this is a blessing or a curse??

All of this writing  is getting to a point - I have people in my life I want to help. 

I don’t know if they want my help?

They tell me about their problems, so I look at the as an invite into their problems.  If you invite me in, my way of helping is empowering you to know what is doable.

I have been through what they are going through so I offer my input…how I helped myself when I was dealing what that problem.

I see these people struggle.  I have been that person struggling.

I want to shake them and tell them how to do it.

But I guess that isn’t the point…is it??

I don’t know what my point is.

I guess, can I help others who don’t really want to be helped??

 

I need to change my attitude from wanting to shake them to do as I do instead to praying for them to find their own path. 

If that path runs into my path, I will be waiting with open arms and tell them welcome to this path.

If that part doesn’t run into my path, I will offer love and support no matter what.

Stage 4 Breast Cancer Education

I have said I feel like it is one of my duties to educate others of Stage 4 Metastatic breast cancer.
SO, you are getting more education today?!?!?

Before I do though, a little back story on me.

When I was diagnosed Stage 1 at 30 years old, I was able to wash my hands of the whole cancer part of my life about 9-10 after it all started.  I mean, I was clean and clear and went on my merry little way.
At that time, I had NO idea the BC could return…NO IDEA!

It wasn't talked about.  All that was talked about was the "fact" that I "beat it"

In fact, even after my lung biopsy came back positive for cancer, I thought it was lung cancer.  I still had NO idea my Breast Cancer could move other places in my body.

Eric had tried to explain this to me, but either didn’t want to hear it or really didn’t get it.

It wasn’t until I had an appointment at MD Anderson that it all sunk in…he told me that I have ALWAYS been metastatic.  That my BC has always been floating somewhere in my body, but was not a mass large enough to show on scans.

I went through denial of this for a few weeks.

Then I was able to make peace with it.

Because not matter what I was classified as it didn’t matter to where I was but it matter what I am now.

People ask me all the time, where should they donate to.
My 2 cents:
http://www.metavivor.org/

About Metavivor

METAvivor is dedicated to the specific fight of women and men living with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. At the time of METAvivor’s founding, no organization was dedicated to funding research for the disease and no patient groups were speaking out about the dearth of stage 4 cancer research.  While more and more people have taken up the cry for more stage IV research, METAvivor remains the sole US organization dedicated to awarding annual stage IV breast cancer research.

MISSION
METAvivor exists to sustain hope for those living with metastatic breast cancer (MBC). Passionately committed patients ourselves, we rally public attention to the urgent needs of the MBC community, help patients find strength through support and purpose, and make every dollar count as we work with researchers to regain longevity with quality of life.

WHAT WE DO

Awareness 

We bring attention to the specific issues of stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, and raise public awareness about the facts of the disease. With 30% of breast cancer patients metastasizing, our goal is to see to it that 30% of breast cancer support and funding for research is dedicated to metastatic breast cancer.

Research

METAvivor awards research grants to individuals with a clinical or other doctoral degree who are actively engaged in areas of metastatic breast cancer research and whose proposals show distinct promise in making a different for the stage 4 breast cancer community.  . The goal of our funding efforts is to transition metastatic breast cancer from a terminal diagnosis to a chronic, manageable disease with a decent quality of life.

Outreach & Fundraising

METAvivor’s regional ambassador program is dedicated to raising awareness about metastatic breast cancer and conducting fundraisers to support METAvivor’s metastatic breast cancer research grants. Our ambassador program is constantly growing, and we plan to expand overseas in the near future.

Support

METAvivor began as a support group in Annapolis, Maryland, for local people living with metastatic breast cancer. Although we have evolved to focus primarily on public awareness and raising funds for metastatic breast cancer research, we know that a community of support is one of the most basic needs for anyone facing metastatic cancer. We encourage those living with MBC to establish support programs in their communities.

OUR FUNDING

METAvivor is run entirely by volunteers, most of who are living with metastatic breast cancer. Although we do not pay any salaries, we work to obtain grants and corporate sponsors to support our operational expenses. This allows us to ensure that donations can be entirely dedicated to our research grants that fund the cutting edge research that will ultimately save lives. Unless otherwise specified by the donor, 100% of every donation and 100% of proceeds from every fundraiser (after event expenses) goes into our research grants. 

I did NOT know...

I realize I have been rather harsh with some of my statements and while I DO believe all of what I have said, I think I need to clarify a few things.

1. If you wear your pink stuff as a badge of honor to show the world where you have been and where you are now....GREAT!!!

I think we all need to wear some kind of badge of honor to show the world where we have been.  BUT this doesn't just go for BC...it goes for every person, in everyday life.

I find that too often we hide our bandages for fear of judgment.

Like me with depression - it took me A LONG time to admit this one to the world.
I now see this as another badge that makes it easier for people to know that I DO understand that pain.

2. I am NOT against making people feel good.

Just the opposite.  I pray everyone feels good and I have come to realize (yes after a talks with friends) that people need different ways to make them feel good.

If that way includes you baking pink cookies for a fundraiser - good for you. I an in NO place to judge you and where your heart is.

My first time around, my friends created a Renee's Rack Pack team.  It felt great to be supported and loved by all.  I need to go back to that place of love.

3. I have been the stage 1 person who was not educated.

When I was diagnosed the first time, when I was done with chemo and radiation, I thought I could wipe my hands clean of this and get on my jolly way to my life.

I did NOT know it could come back.
I did NOT know it could move to my brain.
I did NOT know being Stage 4 is actually classified as being a terminal disease.

I was happy living in my naïve little bubble.

Would me knowing all this before I became Stage 4 made a difference...I don't know. I really don't.
I think I would have looked at others with different eyes and not think - oh well, I beat - you can beat it.
Stage 4 isn't beatable.

4. My point to all this is to hopefully educate you while I am educating myself on where the money actually goes. What that money goes to.

I didn't know all this when I was stage 1. 
I think it was because I didn't want to. 
I wanted to hide from the truth. 
I wanted to hope that these companies were doing these things for good and not to make a 98% profit (I just made that % up...I have no idea what the actual % is)

5. Please check out this site: http://www.charitynavigator.org/

You can type in a charity and it breaks it all down for you.

Please don't think I am an angry person, because I am FAR, FAR from it.  I do get on my soap box - as I feel we all the right to do.  I will keep stepping on my soap box, BUT I will look out at all the sides while I am on it.

YouTube channel

I am in the process of putting all (well the handful) videos on YouTube on under ReneeInCancerland.

Here, I will talk to you.  I love writing, but sometimes I think hearing it is more powerful.

I want to talk to YOU though!!
If you have questions about anything I talk/write about - ASK ME!!

My "plan" is to answer questions once a week and other times, read things I have written, show art videos and well, I am not sure what else...I guess whatever comes next?!?!

I hope you enjoy.

Art

I LOVE going to Pinterest and looking at art.
It always inspires me to get into my studio and work on something.
I will let you know where these next few lead me to in my work.

I MUST figure out the marbling technice below...it would look SO good as back ground for #CancerGirls


http://www.pinterest.com/pin/189573465540380501/










http://www.pinterest.com/pin/189573465540388795/http://www.pinterest.com/pin/189573465540388795/http://www.pinterest.com/pin/189573465540388795/

Just life

I say just life, but it is really so much more that “just life”

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” Ashley Smith

I went to see Dr. H this morning and I got a little lecture…not big – believe me, I have had a BIG lecture from her a few times!
I really feel like she is my sister.  Just like Rachele, Dr. H is well studied, organized, has a crazy busy life and holds it all together. That is great for them.
I, on the other hand, sometimes don’t hold it all together…or even close.  Even BC (before cancer), I would overcommit, run on fumes and melt.  Yes, just like a toddler when needs a nap, I meltdown…still do to this day. I have been known to cry or just lay in bed until I pull it together.
Dr. H knows what all I do in my day-to-day life. I tell her everything – about the book, Etsy, guest blog post for Livestrong, my mission to teach the world to love…my ups and downs – she knows it all.

But in all this, she worries about me.  She has seen me at my top of tops and lowest of lows.  She has held my hands too many times when bad news has to be delivered or she knows outside help is needed.

She gently reminded me today, it isn’t on me to single handedly deliver my message.

It isn’t on me to show the world how brave and strong I am.
It isn’t on me to be the face of breast cancer.
I don’t have act like I am always fine.

For today, I was great. I pray to be great tomorrow and everyday after. But I guess she gave me permission to give myself a break...that I have earned it.

With that, I am not going to feel like I HAVE to post everyday this month. I know what I am sharing will be there tomorrow, next month, next years…it will be here for me to do.

And it doesn’t have to be yesterday.

An article about me from Livestrong

I have been extremely blessed on #ReneeInCancerland journey.

From my doctors, to friends and family, to random contacts who eventually become friends - everywhere I look I see blessing from CancerLand.

Here is the link to an article about me on Livestrong blog.

A Survivor Story: Picking up the Pieces

Oct 06, 2014 by Guest

Hi, my name is Renee Linke Sendelbach. I am 36 years old, married with a seven year-old son named Ian and I have stage four metastatic breast cancer. Usually, I try to get the messy details out of the way quickly, but it is the messy details that make up my story.

I was first diagnosed at age 30, when Ian was a mere 13 months old. Our world shattered, but we quickly found our footing and started down the road of treatment. Eight rounds of chemo, a lumpectomy and 36 radiation treatments later, I was deemed clean and clear of the C word.

Life slowly returned to how it was before cancer—until a normal day in March, 2011 when our world was once again shattered. This time, it was into such tiny pieces that every time I tried to pick one up, it would cut me. I had breast cancer in my lungs, bones and nodes.

So I did what I had to do, I looked up at cancer and told it to suck it.

I went back on chemo for three months, only to find out it wasn’t working—the cancer had grown. It was time to switch things up. I started a new chemo cocktail along with a trial drug – BSI 201. I was getting infusions two times a week and feeling more and more like poop as the weeks turned into months.

I had a scan and we were all floored: it showed no evidence of disease. Thinking it was too good to be true, my oncologist wanted to keep me on the current chemo cocktail as long as my body held out.

I held out for seven long months. In that time, I had to get two blood transfusions because my red blood count was almost non-existent. My coloring was ashy gray. I needed to be done for a while, so I backed off of chemo.

That was a great summer. We traveled, I hung out with Ian and life was just going on.

But things turned south again one day in August. Ian and were out running errands when my right leg stopped working. I couldn’t walk without thinking, “move your right leg.” I quickly called my husband, who called my doctor.

Not long after, we were sitting in the ER waiting for MRI results and our world was once again shattered. The breast cancer had moved to my brain. And not just a little spot in my brain, a spot about the size of an egg. I had brain surgery just a week later to remove the cancer.

As soon as I woke up, I knew something still wasn’t right. Everyone chalked it up to me just coming out of surgery and swelling of my brain. I didn’t. I knew the cancer was still in there growing. But several MRI scans later, they kept showing clean.

A few months later I was put back in the hospital because I was suffering from steroid psychosis. I was in a deep dark depression at the time. Before we left the hospital, my neurosurgeon wanted one more MRI. The cancer was back.

I didn’t know if I could make it through another brain surgery, but I did. I wasn’t able to feel my right leg, so I had to relearn to walk, drive and many other activities I never thought about—that is, until I couldn’t do them at all.

Life was back to a new normal until two days after my 35^th birthday. I was driving home from an infusion and my leg felt heavy and weird—I knew that feeling all too well. I called my doctor and she once again told me to go to the ER.

Again, I was told the tumor was back, in the same spot, and I would once again be getting brain surgery.

When I woke up from the third brain surgery within a year, I knew something was different. I knew I was good to go, and I was! I had a couple of run-ins with narcosis (swelling of the surgery bed site) and I feared the cancer was back. But it wasn’t!
I am ecstatic to say I have been cancer free from head to toe for over a year now.

I just finished my book, “Renee in Cancerland,” which I am hoping will be published this December. I continue to blog about living life with stage four cancer at www.ReneeSendelbach.blogspot.com. And I have found a passion for creating inspirational art. You can find this at my Etsy shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/EmbracingLifeLoveArt

My advice is to keep your heart in your fight and be grateful for the little things daily.
If you are faced with a cancer diagnosis, LIVESTRONG can provide emotional support, clinical trial matching, financial assistance and fertility preservation services completely free of charge. We are here for you and your family every step of the way. Please give us a call at 1.855.220.7777, fill out our online intake form or visit the LIVESTRONG Cancer Navigation Center at 2201 E. 6th St, Austin, TX 78702.

True thoughs on Pink washing

Thoughts from my loved ones on Pink.

I was talking to Marci a few days ago about my mission - I have decided to take on…PINK.

I was telling her how I am sick of it and how in the hell does this crap serve any actual purpose??

She told me it does serve a purpose for her, it makes her think of me when she drinks from her coffee mug – she stops and says a prayer for me.

That really got me thinking.

I went through my email address book and picked random friends.  These aren’t all great friends – some I haven’t seen in a few years.  I really wanted to get an overall look at thoughts and feelings.

You will first see my question to them, their responses under. Their answers are not shorted. I have only ** a few curse words.

I will follow up later this week with me answers to these questions.

Do you roll your eyes at all the pink stuff?

 

As far as all the pink products go, I welcome their arrival every October.

It's not that I think that the 2 cents from my pink purchase are going to make a huge difference to anyone or that it will even get to the right place to help anyone. But buying a pink coffee cup or pink can opener gives me the opportunity to honor you.

When I see my pink item, I am reminded of you and I pray for you.

It hurts my soul to the core that I can't be in Austin to help you get to appointments, run your errands, make you dinner, clean your house, hang out with you on the sofa with a glass of wine or do anything to actually help you fight this terrible cancer.

So buying that pink item gives me a sense of empowerment... I will honor you every time I take my coffee to go or open a can of tomatoes.

 

I am not tired in any way of all of the pink stuff, but I think because it has been around so long and it's everywhere, it has lost its affect. I think the ribbons have more of a branding than the color pink

I remember last season when the NFL players wore pink accessories at their games, I remember thinking "Wow, that's really cool". 

sometimes.  It depends on the product, charity tie in, and taste level.  I’m personally out on Komen after last year’s Planned Parenthood debacle and that they believe they OWN pink and sue any other organizations that try to use it.  So if its Komen related I’m not into it.  Pink pepper spray, pink fried chicken bucket, the yogurt lids you have to return to have Yoplait donate $ - that annoys me.                                                                                                                                                             When people I know do small fundraisers to raise money because they are passionate about the charity (even Komen if its someone I know) – that I will support.  I do think Komen did a lot to significantly raise awareness about early detection over the past 15 years.  I would rather donate $ straight to an organization that supports those going through treatments, or studies cancer research.                                                                                                                                           

No, not really.  I realize that companies benefit from the "marketing" side of things, but I think that's all around us as well, so I don't really see that any differently.  If I were to buy something, it's because I want the product for some reason other than the campaign.  "supporting" BC or research or the affected is just a bonus, but I don't have any illusions that much money is going towards a charity from my purchase.  I realize that my giving directly is much more influential 

yes, it makes me think of how many people are getting cancer from breathing in the chemicals used to make all the cheap plastic pink things.   and all that money used to create all of these things, that should obviously be going towards research for a cure.                                                                             

I think it does raise awareness about the disease and hopefully encourages others to have mammograms. I also think things like Race for a Cure helps families feel closure and a sense of helping. 

 

Does it make you think of me or others with Breast Cancer

yes.  I feel like I can’t be annoyed with it because of people I know with breast cancer!  Occasionally I will think, I wonder if this would be ‘Cancer Thriver’ approved or considered crass marketing? 

Yes, absolutely.  Whenever I see anything breast cancer related, I always think of you, pray for you, and often get emotionally engaged on a different level.

 

If I see something pink - for the breast cancer awareness, it does make me think of you, and others.   but it doesn't make me anymore "aware" of bc, It makes me think of how f*cked up bc is, and how unfair it is. how it doesn't discriminate, and - honest answer - it makes me think, and feel sad for the survivors who are celebrating that they are survivors - because do they not know that one day they can wake up and it will be back?  Are the aware of that, or what they can do, if anything?  

 

Yes it does. I don't normally buy pink ribbon things but I do occasionally see them and stop and pray for those I know who have it, or lost someone to breast cancer.

 

If you have a coffee mug or something you use daily that is pink, does it prompt you to say a little prayer for those with cancer? 

Pink does not make me think of cancer but pink ribbon or awareness items make me think about those with cancer and wonder how they are doing and hope they are having a good day. 

I have a cookbook that I use regularly that is a pink ribbon one, so not daily, but it does regularly make me think of you.  Other pink things don't have the same effect though - they are just pink.

 I don't have anything that I use that is pink that makes me pray, I don't need anything pink to remind me.

 

What are you true thoughts on where the whole pink campaign has taken us? Good or bad

Good that it has raised so much awareness.  NFL teams wear pink in October, my company has a ton of events around Komen, I personally know way more than I would about early detection because of all the awareness campaigns.  I guess I’m a little burned out in general, and annoyed about the companies trying to take advantage of women in their purchasing decisions.  When I buy a new coffee mug, do I HAVE to buy the pink ribbon one, if I don’t am I an a-hole? 

Honestly, mostly indifferent.  I don't spend much time or energy on it.  I think there probably has been a lot of successful awareness raised and it's done some good.  I understand the thinking behind the frustration with it as well.  I think the Autism puzzle piece campaign is very similar and I appreciate the awareness it's raised for me even without having a direct connection to Autism (unlike BC, since that affects you and therefore me by extension).  As a parent of adopted kids and a child with hearing loss, I also appreciate when others are more aware of what our families "issues" are, because it takes the burden off of me to educate them, so in many ways I wish there was better "campaigning" for these things too, but I can see where I wouldn't want my kids to feel like the poster children for the campaign too, if that makes sense.

 

It's bad. the message needs to be revisited.  we need to be focused on prevention and cures.  

 

I really think it has raised awareness. I think it's extreme that the NFL jumped on board, but I think it helps guys understand more about the disease and helps personalize it. After all when you don't feel well or have crap going on-all you want is a hug from mom. And when you were little you hugged her breasts. It's a comfort thing.

 

I can't imagine how tired you must be of the pink but it truly does give me hope. When I see the football players wearing pink or the PF Chang's horse painted pink, I realize that I am not alone... so many people share the passion to celebrate their loved ones who are fighting this terrible disease. And we stand united in love and support.

 

 

 

Further opinions

 

I went further than my own opinions.  I asked my classes today as well.  People’s thoughts ran similar to mine.  There is a certain amount of guilt in not buying the pink item.  We think that people will judge us as uncaring. 

I would say that it’s become so prevalent that I don’t really think of you or anyone else when I see it. 

 Before hearing survivors take on it, I would have said that even if I thought it was over the top, survivors would be in support of everything pink.  Now that I have heard what you and other survivors have to say about it, I am more about educating people to make sure that they know many companies and individuals are profiting, not sending money to research. 

 

I equate this to the ASL ice bucket challenge.  It did bring in some money and awareness, but it also brought a lot of kids being silly and insensitive.  When the challenge came to my kids, we researched what ALS is and watched videos of people dealing with it.  Then I told them that they could do the silly challenge, but they also had to donate some money and tell people in their video that it is a serious disease. 

There are other cancers and other medical issues that could use more awareness – like heart disease and colon cancer.  I know Pink month won’t stop, but would be nice if we heard about other risk areas that also effect a lot of people. 

As far as pink goes, I know that the high schools do a pink out game.  No one would dare show up without a pink t-shirt because then they would be seen as pro cancer.  The football players wear pink socks.  The dancers and cheerleaders wear pink.  Who knows if any money goes to cancer research!  I doubt the kids ever put the pink together with a real person. 

 

I think if someone came up with a new fresh idea, gimmick (think "ice bucket challenge"), etc..for breast cancer then it would get more attention and be at the forefront of more people's minds.

 

What are YOUR thoughts to my questions??

If you feel strongly one way or another, I would love to hear from you.

 

Email me at: ReneeInCancerLand@gmail.com

 

With love

I am a bag lady

I am a bag lady.

I have collected bags
all my life
as long as I can remember
some big
some small
some stylish
some plain.

These bags –
these bags I collect
even
hoard
some might say.

These bags –

these bags hold
all kinds of different
emotions
stories
hurts
loves
losses
laughs
truths

Lately though –

I have realized
these bags
all weigh different
 ~love is light and airy
I can sling it over my shoulder and take it with me wherever I go –
no matter how long the journey
Joy is the same

I can stuff my bag full of joy

and never feel
its weight
pulling down my shoulder
 

On the other hand though:

anger
shame
hate
jealousy
these weigh me down
even if I am only carrying
a single
lonely
pebble in my bag.

This tiny pebble

weighs a ton
like carrying bricks
bending me
side to side
and hurting my body
little
by
little
tweaking my back
here and there.

I have decided though -

I surely don’t need
all these bags
weighing me down

 I am getting rid of the bags

especially the tiny bags
the tiny bags
that carry only the pebbles -
the pebbles
that weigh me down

I have decided -

I only need one bag
One bag.

To carry God
with me
all day
everyday.

In this bag

I will find
all the
Love
Joy
Grace
Laughter
Hope
and More
then I can even imagine.

This –

This will be my only bag
I carry
from now on